dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i jhust puked up my retainher.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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