I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I think I sprained my soul last night
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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