Sponge bath it is.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
