Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
