wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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