FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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