if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
