she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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