I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
