and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
