"it" just moved
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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