Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
