we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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