Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
