the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
