in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
