he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
