I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
