I murdered the dance floor call the cops
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
