I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
of course. lets lasso hookers.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
