I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
i drank out of a bidet.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
