what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
