You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
