I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
