I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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