Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
