My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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