Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
