I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
