I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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