Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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