Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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