i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
