i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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