Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
