when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
