no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
