Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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