I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
the gays at disneyland are vicious
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
