What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
