absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
