i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
