There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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