No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
