I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
