My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
