We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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