put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
