we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
