come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Randomize
